taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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