OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
