You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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