Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
