Cold hands, warm shart.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
