yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
