that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have already put on my inside pants.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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