I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
