I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
