I cockslap morals
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
