New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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