Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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