I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
