She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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