Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
