He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she smelled like a LAN party
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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