It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just puked most of my soul out..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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