At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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