Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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