....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
