Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
