carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i think i have two assholes
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
