she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You were trust falling into bushes
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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