I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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