The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
