You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
