I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
