Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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