Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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