I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
