I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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