i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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