I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize