I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
