glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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