I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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