I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
