bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize