Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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