ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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