I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
