did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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