Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
