____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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