you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
