In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
