how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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