Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize