my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
