the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
