Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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