Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
