My friends, they love my intelligence
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I party with great urgency now.
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