i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
