I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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