bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
