Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
