just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
