If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
