so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
