no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
