there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
