I looked at my own cervix.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
