Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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