ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
