I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
