i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
