meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You're like the curious george of whores
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have grass duct taped all over my body
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
