i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
