Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
