she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
