Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
