You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
