Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize