The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
