You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
