woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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